confusion you amiable bastard.

ages.
it feels like AGES have passed since i have set foot outside of this "village" called Balito..
There is nothing here..
some people dont even speak i assume..
we have a spar and a spur and something that seems to be a gay bar that is NEVER open.
So i dont know.

But i have to have some fun here. its supposedly a "holiday" no?

Don't you just hate it when someone takes your friendship, of years of course.. and shoves that shit in your face like a bad towel or with the intent to knock you out and sell your half pickled liver to a nigerian.. and then turns around and pretends its all good cause they are to high on their horses to admit their wrongs?
its kinda gets me all emotional and silly.

But whatever hey? eventually you have to accept that however you might be so totally and disgustingly in love with someone, married or not.. that you are still just you.. alone.
if you fall asleep next to someone, inside someone, on-top or below someone, you are still just you.. alone.. right inside that little place that supposedly matters.
But meh ..
enough of this.

Existential life crisis anyone?
Yay!
Its almost like the rice crisis, just real.
and with less chinese people involved...


So, as i sit here, next to an open front door cause conveniently thats where the internet is place.. you can tell im in a village..
they internet would get stolen if you put it in the front room in pretoria.. or anywhere else.
I need the pollution. thank you.
Its also the coldest part of the house.. which is supposed to stop me from being online all night..and day..
fail.

i refuse to go outside.. the sun is to strong.
the people to few
and the opportunities to little.

someone hand me some wine?
thanks.


I love the confused feeling you get when you dont really know whats going on in life?
Understand? When you are not sure whether you are doing the right thing, saying the right things? drinking your drink or the odd fat bald man next to you in the bars? Are you sleeping or are you awake?
Should you secretly eat that tart or shouldn't you? And im not talking second cousin twice removed tart.. i mean like jam tart.. or victorian sleeping cake.
kidding.. its fucking horrible.



Now, as much fun as this was to write.
i see now point in where it is heading?
I have lost the gift of rambling once more.
great.

Oh god.. robby ray has an annoying voice..
someone? anyone?
Silence him with dignity and love?

okay,
smile fookers.
lifes to short to care whos drink it is.
and confusion should be embraced..

im pretty sure your parents where confused when you came out a boy/girl anyway..
and turned out as you did. joke. the last part at least.. about turned out as you did..


love.
peace
smile
fook.
;]